


Memories

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Dean is Bad at Forgiving, M/M, Sam is Bad at Not Forgiving, Sort of - He's Just Resurrected, Temporary Amnesia, Unless You Mess With Dean Anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:47:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only things he knows when he woke up are that he's cold, everything hurt, and there is a very kind man trying to help him.  As he listens to the kind man and the other man, he still doesn't remember anything, but the more he hears the less he thinks he wants to remember about who he used to be.</p><p>What kind of man was he that he could drive someone as compassionate as Sam obviously was to try to kill him?</p><p>Language warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

The first sensation was a mind-numbing pain. He couldn’t say how long it lasted. Once it finally subsided, cold set in, and that was all he could feel.

Then there was something soft, and warm, and that had a familiar smell. As he tried to place it, though, he began to realize that he knew nothing. He couldn’t put a name to the voice he heard, despite its familiarity, but then again, he couldn’t put a name to himself. Maybe if he listened and didn’t let on that he was aware…

Then the man’s arms came around him. “I’m sorry, this isn’t fair to you, but you’re freezing. I hope you’ll forgive me.” He had no idea what that meant, but he could tell that the other man was warm, and safe, and familiar. He could feel himself curling in, craving the familiarity and warmth, but also just wanting to be closer to this man. It felt strange, but right.

“Sam? What… is that…?” A second voice, just as familiar and just as unplaceable. “What the hell. We watched him die!”

“I know, I was there.” There was a note of impatience in the man’s voice. “He’s freezing, Dean. He shouldn’t be this cold. I’m guessing whatever he went through left him really weak, like he was after he blew himself up to give us a chance at saving Adam. I think he’s unconscious, he’s moved but it was probably just instinctive reaction to warmth. Dean, I know you’re pissed, and I get it. But he needs us. We can’t just leave him.”

“And you needed him, but he turned his back on you,” Dean snapped. That caused him to flinch a little. Whoever Sam was, he was clearly someone of a very kind heart. “You of all people are completely justified in walking away here. I know you ain’t just gonna leave him, but we can find a hospital or something and drop him off.” Dean, whoever he was, was less kind.

“Dean! After everything I’ve done, how can you say that? He’s done some pretty amazing things for me.” There was a pause. “For you. I just happened to be the one who benefitted.” This was confusing – why would he do things for Dean that he wouldn’t do for Sam?

Dean snorted. “Yeah, amazing covers it pretty well, if by that you mean I’m amazed it took you so long to get around to trying to kill him.” This was an even bigger shock. This kind man, who was trying to warm him up and take care of him, had tried to kill him? Was this just guilt?

“That’s not fair, Dean. I tried to kill him because it was about the only option we had left to stop him, not because I want him dead,” Sam protested. That made a little more sense, then, but still. Confusing. “I wish I hadn’t, but I had to try. I’m hoping it was just the power trip talking when he refused to listen to me.” If these were the kind of memories he’d lost, he wasn’t sure he wanted them back after all. “Dean, you’re angry, I get it. And I know you’re gonna have a harder time forgiving him than I did –”

“You’ve forgiven him? Seriously? After he broke your head and refused to fix it? After he lied to us for two years? Let us work with Crowley – _Crowley_ – because we thought Crowley could fix you, when he knew full well Crowley couldn’t do a damn thing?” Dean’s incredulousness was shared. If he’d done such terrible things, how could Sam forgive him? “But no, that’s not important, water under the bridge now.”

“Dean, of all people, I know what it’s like to do something incredibly stupid because you’re convinced that it’s not necessarily right but it is the only way. He was wrong, yeah, and now he’s unleashed something terrible on the world. I was wrong, and I started the freakin’ Apocalypse! Cas broke my head. I tortured an innocent woman to death. If he’d really been trying to stop the Apocalypse, he’d have tried to kill me. Why he didn’t when he switched sides and joined you, I’ll never understand. Instead he nearly killed himself so Anna couldn’t.”

“Not like you’d have stayed dead,” Dean said.

“Don’t give me that,” Sam said. “Anna’s plan would have worked and you know it, but you and Cas weren’t desperate enough to let her try.” He must be Cas. “Look, Dean… I’m not abandoning Cas. Bottom line. I’m fairly sure you wouldn’t be arguing if you didn’t know I’m gonna win this one. I could use your help getting him to the car, but if you wanna be a jerk about it…” Sam stood up, and Cas could feel the cold returning. “Once again, I’m so sorry, Cas,” Sam whispered as he picked Cas up.

Sam laid Cas in the back of the car. “You aren’t gonna ride with him?” Dean asked. “You know you’re just gonna be turning around every two seconds to check on him anyway.”

“I…” Sam hesitated as he wrapped a blanket over Cas. “I’m not sure I should. He’s not exactly able to tell the guy who stuck a blade in his back last time I touched him to get the hell away from him.” Not like he would, Cas told himself. He hoped that would still be true when and if his memories returned.

Dean scoffed. “But you could cuddle him naked on the side of the river?”

“What other choice did I have? Let him freeze? But now we have the blankets, not to mention his own coat… he doesn’t need me to…” Cas tried to figure out if there was a way to communicate that he had no problem with it without letting them know he was awake. He couldn’t.

“But you want to, and he could use the extra heat and you know it. Pretty sure if you can forgive everything he did to you, he can get over you trying to get him better.” Cas was a little confused now. Since when did Dean care what happened to him? He’d been encouraging Sam to leave him.

There was a moment’s pause, and then Cas felt his head being lifted as Sam slid in beside him. “Cas, I hope you understand,” he said softly. As soon as Sam was settled, Cas curled in closer, hoping Sam would read the acceptance in it. Sam adjusted the blanket as Dean started the car.

“Million-dollar question, Sammy, what the hell were you doing by the river anyway? This why you were so adamant about staying?”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know, Dean. Just… I woke up, nightmares, and decided to go for a run to clear my head. Didn’t really care where I was going aside from paying enough attention to be able to find my way back, and I ended up by the river. I’m glad I was there, though, even if it was traces of my old powers or whatever that did it.”

“What about staying in town? Your head seems fine, so don’t give me Hell memories,” Dean said.

Sam seemed deeply uncomfortable now. Cas wanted to comfort him, but at this point, he had no idea how. “I don’t know, Dean. I just needed to be here, and yeah, it probably was so I could go to the river and find Cas. What do you want me to say here? I don’t know why I was drawn to the river! Whatever it was, I found Cas. Maybe it’s _because_ he broke my wall and there’s some sort of... lingering connection, maybe it’s because of the old powers, hell, maybe it’s just God looking out for his favorite angel!”

Dean snorted. “He broke your wall so you have to save him. Yeah. Makes sense to me.”

Sam ran a hand through Cas’s hair, working out a few tangles. “I take it Cas gets to go through what I had to when it was my turn? You do what you have to do, Dean, but I’m not leaving him alone, at least not until he wakes up and can give us some answers.”

“At which point he says one word of repentance that he may or may not actually mean, and he’s your best friend again. I don’t work that way, Sammy,” Dean said.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, in order to be my best friend again, that would mean he had to be my best friend before.”

“Though he was our best friend,” Dean said.

“ _Your_ best friend,” Sam corrected. “He only put up with me because he didn’t want you to be stuck in an awkward position of choosing between us. More profound bond, remember?” Cas almost sat up to ask, now. Sam couldn’t be correct. He felt Sam’s hand go still. “I think he may be waking up, either that or he’s having a nightmare.” Cas forced himself to relax, but his hand clenched in the jacket Sam hadn’t bothered to reclaim from Cas.

“Cas?”

It was only one short syllable, but Cas could hear the implied order in Dean’s tone. He sat up, still clutching the jacket. “Hello.”

“Hello? Seriously? That’s what you have to say to us after all that’s happened?” Dean demanded.

“I… am afraid I don’t remember all that happened,” Castiel said. “I’ve been awake enough to hear that I did something unforgivable to Sam, but I suspect it has nothing to do with breaking a literal wall.” He turned his head to look at Sam. “I know that until I understand what I did and why I did it, I cannot give you a proper apology, but I do regret hurting you and thank you for the kindness you have shown in taking care of me despite what I did.”

Sam’s smile nearly overwhelmed Cas despite its brief appearance. “What do you remember? Do you know who we are?”

“I… no, not really,” Cas said. “I know that your name is Sam and that he’s Dean. I heard you say that I was Dean’s best friend, but not yours. I can’t remember why I was closer to Dean. And I heard you say you tried to kill me, which I apparently deserved.”

“I’m sorry, Cas, I didn’t want to,” Sam said. “You were doing something terrible, and it was a last-ditch effort to try to stop you. It didn’t work – you’d already done it, which meant that I couldn’t kill you, you were too powerful.”

“I don’t remember any of it,” Cas said. “If it weren’t for listening to the two of you, I wouldn’t know my own name.”

“It’s Castiel,” Sam said with another brief smile. “Cas is a nickname we use for you.”

Dean snorted. “Sammy, you did test him, make sure he’s what he looks like he is, right?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Using what, exactly, Dean? You want me to shoot him? I don’t exactly carry an arsenal to go for a run!”

“You shoulda said something, the Impala does have an arsenal,” Dean said, pulling over to the side of the road. “Or is this some side effect of him breaking your wall, you just know it’s him?”

“I don’t know, not for sure, but I had Cas freezing,” Sam said. “I was a little distracted by I can’t lose Cas again type of thoughts. We can’t lose Cas again.”

“First we better make sure it is Cas, then we can worry about losing him,” Dean said as he got out of the Impala. He dug around in the trunk.

While Dean was gone, Cas had something he wanted to say to Sam. “Sam, I hope this remains true once I’ve recovered my memories, but had I been awake enough to talk I would not have told you to ‘get the hell away’. I get the feeling we didn’t… that this was a first. But it felt right, like I belonged there.”

Sam looked surprised, but then Dean came back around so he didn’t have a chance to answer. “Okay, Sammy, you’re the one back there so you get to do the honors.” Dean, however, was the one who threw water in his face. Aside from a bit of sputtering, Cas had no reaction to it.

Sam held out his hand, and Dean gave him a silver knife. “Cas, this shouldn’t hurt too much,” he said, taking the other man’s arm and slicing a line across it. A little blood welled up, but the cut healed quickly.

“That was…”

“Expected from Cas,” Sam reassured him. “Dean?”

“Keep going,” Dean said, handing Sam another knife.

Sam looked at the knife. “What’s this for?”

“Salted iron. Got it from Bobby. Cas heals too fast to just salt the silver cut,” Dean explained.

“Oh.” Sam cut Cas’s arm again. As before, the cut healed quickly. Dean handed Sam one more weapon, and this one cause Cas to draw back a little. Sam looked at it and then up at Dean. “Seriously? You want me to use this on Cas?”

“You had no trouble sticking it in his back, you can’t cut his arm?” Dean said.

Cas took the blade from Sam and studied it. It felt oddly familiar. He drew it over his arm, and this time, the cut didn’t heal. “Is that what it was supposed to do?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Okay. We have an angel. How do we prove it’s Cas?”

“Who else would it be? It’s Cas’s host, memory loss seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction to whatever the hell happened, the other angels don’t have a reason not to be in Heaven right now and probably don’t want to come to Earth and deal with our Leviathan problem,” Sam said.

Cas looked between the two. “I’m an angel? Is that… what does that mean?”

“it means that you come from Heaven and have powers beyond human. Like healing. You’re strong, fast, you can go wherever you want with just a thought, demon-smiting…” Sam said.

“Also means your kind is a bunch of dicks with wings,” Dean added. “You were the one angel we thought was different, and then you stabbed us in the back.”

There it was again. “What did I do?”

“Probably best to let you remember on your own,” Sam said.

“Although if you wanna give a try at fixing Sam’s head, that’s probably a good idea,” Dean added.

Castiel was determined to do whatever he could to repay Sam for his kindness. “What’s wrong with your head?”

“Okay, um, it’s a long story but the relevant parts: my soul was in the worst part of Hell for a year and a half – two centuries, or close enough, from my perspective. When my soul was put back in my body, it was feared that it could kill me or drive me insane, so Death built a wall in my head separating the Hell memories from safe memories. The wall broke –”

“You broke it,” Dean supplied.

Sam glared at Dean. “You promised to fix it after you’d done what you were going to do.”

“And then didn’t,” Dean added.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, horrified by the revelations. “Sam, I cannot imagine why I thought the risk of your insanity or death was acceptable. I’m not certain I know how to fix your wall, but with your permission, I will try.” Sam nodded, and Castiel reached out a hand toward Sam’s forehead.

As soon as he entered Sam’s mind, memories began to flood back. Their first meeting – Castiel was ashamed of himself for the way he had behaved. Hung over and calling Sam an abomination. Sam awkwardly ducking a hug. There was the memory Cas needed – breaking the wall. He looked for pieces as the memories continued their flood. The confrontation with them when they realized what he was doing. Raising Sam from Hell. Raising Dean from Hell. Freeing Sam from his captivity in the panic room. But then, later, standing vigil outside listening to Sam’s screams. Telling Anna he would kill her for threatening Sam. Telling Lucifer he was not taking Sam. Memories of Dean, of Heaven, of everything.

Cas drew back, withdrawing to a corner of the back seat, as far away from Sam or Dean as he could get. He understood Dean’s reaction to him now. Sam… Sam puzzled him. “Sam, I… sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“Sam’s wall?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. “I broke it and put the pieces in places I could find them. They’re gone. I could have rebuilt the wall from the pieces, but without them, I can’t build a new one. You should have left me at the river.” He caught Dean’s look. “I remember you. I remember everything.”

Sam looked a little disappointed, but not surprised. “Thanks for trying, Cas. I’m glad you got your memories back, at least.”

“So what now?” Dean was not disappointed. Dean was furious. “Sam just has to hope he doesn’t go crazy? Because that is so not good enough.”

“Dean, he can’t fix something that’s not there to fix,” Sam argued.

Guilt gnawed at Cas. He couldn’t take Sam’s compassion, not after everything. “Please don’t defend me, Sam. Dean is correct. If anyone can survive this it’s you, but I promised to save you and I can’t. Nothing I can do can make up for what I have done to you. Not just your wall, that’s not even the worst thing I’ve done.”

“You lied to us even when we had that showdown?” Dean growled.

“No. I did not raise Sam wrong on purpose, but I did do it.” That it was accidental was the only saving grace he could find. “And then hesitated to fix my mistake once we discovered it. There’s no excuse for that and I cannot imagine how to begin to make it up to you.”

“Well, for starters, you can accept my forgiveness,” Sam said.

“Seriously, Sam? Four years he’s been a dick to you, and it’s just forgiven, just like that?” Dean said.

“Yeah, I know, I can’t imagine what it would take for you or Cas to do something to push me to the point where I couldn’t forgive you,” Sam said. “Four years Cas has been a dick to me? Let’s see: he forgave me for the Apocalypse, saved me from Anna, went suicidally stupid to give us a chance for me to wrest control from Lucifer, brought me out of Hell, brought you out of Hell, rebelled against Heaven and gave up his life for you when he didn’t even believe you could overcome your despair just because I thought you would. I’ve been in Cas’s shoes, and it’s no place to be without a friend.”

“Like you were,” Cas said.

Dean huffed. “So, what, now you two are gonna be BFFs?”

“I hope so,” Sam said. “If Cas will take it.”

“I will take anything you offer, Sam. The hatred and contempt I deserve, the forgiveness and friendship I don’t,” Castiel said. Sam may as well know the worst of it. “I loved you, before you died. I fell so far, became so corrupted, that it didn’t matter to me.”

“The bastard I was without my soul can’t have helped,” Sam joked, but Castiel could tell that Sam was stunned. “You loved me?”

“And broke his head anyway?” Dean asked incredulously. “Damn, Cas, I knew you were way off the reservation, but not really seeing the difference between you and a demon, there.”

“I don’t either,” Castiel said. “I certainly became a monster. Even before I broke Sam’s wall, you had every right to hunt me.”

“And we would have if it had been anyone but you. We trusted you, Cas. I trusted you. You were a brother to me,” Dean said.

“And given how long it took you to forgive your real brother, I don’t expect to be forgiven for a long time, if ever.” Dean wasn’t Sam. It would hurt, but he had earned it. He didn’t begrudge Dean however long it took him to forgive the betrayal.

Sam’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Do you still love me?”

That was a complicated question, wasn’t it. Because the truthful answer was yes, but how could he say that? “After what I did, I don’t think I can make that claim. If I loved you, I wouldn’t even have considered leaving your soul in Hell, or breaking your wall.”

“Damn straight,” Dean said.

“Shut up, Dean. If I loved you, I wouldn’t have beaten you bloody and left you on some motel room floor while I took off with a demon. I was too far gone. Does that mean I didn’t love you before, or I don’t now that you’ve pulled me back?” Sam asked.

“Dude, no, bad comparison,” Dean said, though he looked a little rattled. “You didn’t try to break me and make it okay with a promise that you’d fix me later, that as it turns out, you couldn’t keep.”

“And you had no hesitation about retrieving him from Hell,” Castiel added.

“And it’s not a perfect comparison. So what?” Sam said. “The point is, demon blood corrupted me to the point where I couldn’t love. Those souls Crowley lent you from Hell probably did the same to you, Cas. They’re gone, you’re you, so the question stands.”

“I suppose I should clarify that I did not mean as a brother,” Cas said. “But, yes, I love you now.”

“Then get over here.” Dean shot Sam an incredulous look, and Cas was very confused himself. “You’re still shivering, let me help warm you up.” When Castiel still hesitated, Sam grinned. “You said you’d take whatever I would give you whether you deserved it or not. Stop waiting for me to come to my senses and hate you or be angry at you, because it’s not happening.”

“And yet you struggle to accept that you are bound for Heaven,” Cas said, but he slid back over and allowed Sam to wrap his arms around him.

Sam huffed in amusement. “After what I’ve done? Yeah, Cas. It’d take a miracle.”

“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I don’t care,” Cas said. “Between an angel who loves you and a soulmate whose Heaven would be incomplete without you, about the only way you don’t get in is if you decide to jump into Hell again. Which… please don’t, it was bad enough the first time when it was necessary and I had no intention of leaving you down there.”

“Why tell me?” Sam asked. “I mean, we all know Dean’s getting in pretty much no matter what, Heaven kinda owes him for dicking him around so much. But I have to earn it.”

“They jerked you around as much as they did me, Sammy. Cas included,” Dean said.

“You earned it when you overpowered Lucifer,” Cas informed Sam. “We’re not supposed to tell you because they fear you’ll go bad if you know. I’d like to think I know you better than the angels up in Heaven, and I can’t imagine you’ll work less hard for a salvation you’ve already earned than a salvation you don’t believe you can.”

 

After driving for some time, Dean had to pull off for gas. While he was out pumping, Cas took the opportunity to share his thoughts with Sam. “I can’t fix your wall, but I may be able to… shift the problem. I could try to take your memories on myself. Angels are somewhat better-equipped to deal with Hell, since it wasn’t designed for us. And it is, after all, my fault you have them.”

“Cas, I can’t ask you to…” Sam protested, but Cas cut him off.

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“Not the point,” Sam said. “I have the memories because I jumped in.”

“And I pulled you out wrong, delaying your proper rescue, and then broke the wall that likely would have protected you the rest of your life,” Cas countered.

“What happens to you, then?” Sam asked.

Castiel shrugged. “It won’t kill me. I may go insane, but I should remain functional.”

Sam shook his head, but stopped suddenly. “Is there a way… could we share the memories?”

Cas thought about it. “I don’t see why not. Is there something you actually want to remember?”

Sam ducked his head, letting his hair fall in his face. “You’re going to laugh.”

“Oh, is there something funny?” Dean asked as he got back in. “I could use a good laugh.”

“Dean, don’t be a jerk,” Sam said before turning back to Cas. “You don’t spend two centuries with Michael and Lucifer without learning a lot about angels and Heaven and stuff. Even archangels get bored of torture sometimes, and they’d tell stories. Sometimes when I’d been a particularly good victim, they’d let me ask questions. I don’t wanna forget all that. Again.”

Dean was, in fact, laughing at his brother. Cas just smiled fondly. “I should be able to work around those. Is there anything in particular you would wish to be rid of?”

Sam hesitated before shaking his head. “Not knowing where it’s going. I’ll deal with my share of all of it.”

“Where’s it going?” Dean asked.

“I’m taking some. The less Sam remembers, the better chance he has of getting through this,” Castiel said.

Dean turned to look at them both. “And you’re not just taking them all because…”

Sam shrugged. “The less he takes, the better chance he has of getting through this. I start losing it, he can take on more. He loses it, he can’t exactly put them back.”

“You’re missing the part where I should care if he loses it,” Dean said, and Sam rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Sammy, this is his fault, if I gotta lose one of you to insanity then I choose Cas.”

“As do I, but it’s Sam’s head,” Castiel said. “I won’t violate him again.”

“That… fine,” Dean said grudgingly. “But Sammy, if you’re struggling, you speak up.”

Cas reached up, touching Sam’s head, and searched for the Hell memories. He sorted through them, choosing the worst of the memories and dulling the ones he would leave as much as he could. When he pulled out, he broke free of Sam, retreating once again to the corner.

“Cas? Are you all right?” Sam asked, reaching for him.

Cas shied away. “No. I just took the memories. It will take some time to adjust, and there was a piece of Lucifer’s grace left in there. It’s not unusual after a possession, but it would do you no good and might be able to make the memories worse.”

“You took it?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded. “All I could find.”

“Thanks. How come you’re back over there?” Sam asked.

“It’s nothing against you, Sam,” Castiel reassured him. “I took on memories of being tortured, and I had a bad reaction. For just a second, I thought…”

“Lucifer had you,” Sam realized. “Or Michael, I guess, but since Lucifer’s the one who possessed me, more likely him. Been there. I understand.” He held out an arm in invitation.

“I don’t… I’m warm enough, Sam, you don’t have to…” Cas said. He refused to take advantage of Sam’s kindness now that it was no longer needed.

Sam shrugged. “Your choice, but I don’t mind a bit.”

“Sammy?”

“What, Dean?”

“There something you wanna tell me?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised.

Sam sighed. “Not really, no. Because you’re gonna be an ass about it.”

Dean seemed to understand, even if Castiel didn’t. “Really? Even after what he did to you?”

“I know, it’s ridiculous, I’m incapable of holding a grudge against family, I need to learn to make people earn forgiveness instead of letting people walk all over me, or I’ll just keep getting hurt. And yet… what was it Becky said when she was ‘dumping’ me for Chuck? ‘The heart wants what the heart wants’ or something like that?”

“That chick was psycho,” Dean said.

Sam laughed. “Yeah. Doesn’t make her wrong.”

Dean shook his head. “Cas, you have to be the world’s luckiest bastard. You so don’t deserve this.”

“Probably not,” Cas said. It’s not like he was likely to disagree. But… “What don’t I deserve?”

“Sam has to be the only guy on this planet who could still love someone who tried to kill him,” Dean said.

Sam smirked at that. “Apparently Cas does too. Hell, I did kill him once. Twice, if you count when I carved a banishing sigil into him so he could blow himself up.”

“When did you…” Cas started in confusion, but he suddenly realized. Of course Sam would try to take the blame for this one. “Sam, no. You’re not responsible for Lucifer blowing me up.”

Sam laughed. “What does it say about how fucked up our lives are that we can have a conversation that includes ‘Hey, remember that time you died?’ and all three of us would have to ask ‘Which one?’”

“Speaking of, I still owe Walt and Roy a world of pain,” Dean said. He shot a glance at Sam through the rearview mirror. “Unless Sam’s gone and fallen in love with them too.”

“No, them I want to find and explain slowly and clearly and preferably painfully why you do not fuck with Dean Winchester. There we go, something I can’t forgive. They killed me, I can get over that, I deserved it. But they killed you too, and nope. That’s across the line.”

“What about Gabriel?” Dean asked.

“What about him?” Sam asked, but the confusion cleared quickly. “Oh, Broward County? Yeah, not exactly sorry he’s dead, not after what he did to you. But in the end he helped us out, so I guess he wasn’t too bad a guy. And, well, he may have killed you, but he always gave you back. Eventually. Walt and Roy meant for you to stay dead.”

“Good to hear you haven’t lost all your senses,” Dean said. “So I guess we’re taking Cas to Bobby’s at least for now? Since it sounds like there’s no way you’re letting me send him off to deal with his shit himself.”

“Doesn’t have to be Bobby’s, but yeah, we need to get somewhere safe and figure out these Leviathan,” Sam said. “Cas? Gonna need your help, you know these things better than anyone else on Earth.”

“Of course. It’s still not much, but it should at least give us a place to start.”

“Swear to God, if this ends up with you having to let the Leviathans possess you again so you can jump into Purgatory and trap them there with you, I am going to find his ass and find a way to kick it,” Sam said. “I know he’s a big fan of literary symmetry and parallel plots and everything, but straight-up repetition’s one step too far.”

“Although if you found a way to get me out, but my grace was left behind and I came back human… that might not be such a bad thing,” Castiel said. “At least as a human, the damage I can cause would be much more limited.”

Sam laughed. “Last I checked, I’m human and I’ve caused at least as much damage as you have. Now, you coming back over here or not?” Cas slid over and let Sam wrap his arms around him, to a fond eyeroll from Dean. He didn’t deserve to be there. But sometimes, maybe, it was okay for life to not be about what you deserve.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love!


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